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Commentary: The drama that is the NFL

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By Mike Forster

 Too many skeletons; not enough closets.

Unsavory NFL characters are already starting to creep into the national consciousness, and we’re still early in the month of August.

We’re seeing it all:  drama, crime, conflict, selfishness, ignorance.

Just up the road,  Albert Haynesworth is generating a lot of attention.  Seems his employer paid him a $21 million bonus with no strings attached.

Then the big fellow informed his team that he wanted things his way.  And management is puzzled by his attitude.

I file that one under managerial ignorance.

I doubt that my boss is in a position to lay 21 million semolians on me.  If he does, and does so while asking nothing in return, I can assure you that my lifestyle will change.

I might become what you might call a “spoiled brat.”

Meanwhile, the Skins welcomed Donovan McNabb into the fold. 

I don’t even like the team, but I love this move.  McNabb is classy, talented and a leader.  It was a brilliant pickup by a team that is not known for its brilliant moves.

McNabb became available when the Eagles kicked him to the curb after a dozen seasons of stellar service.

Apparently, the Eagles found they didn’t have room for three quarterbacks.  They had McNabb, some guy named Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick.

Why keep a six-time pro bowler around when you have Kolb and Vick?

That strategy might be backfiring, however.  Vick was caught up in some recent off-duty troubles, which gave the Eagles’ management pause.  Not to worry, though, they went and got an insurance policy in the form of Mike Kafka.

Kafka.  I’m not making this up.

For those of you who remember 11th grade English, Franz Kafka was the author who wrote absurdist stories such as “The Metamorphosis” and “The Trial.”

Hopefully, Mike has as strong an appreciation for strangeness as did Franz.

Continuing with our “People in Sports” parade, let’s take a peek at Mississippi.

That’s the state where King Brett of Hattiesburg has been holding court.

It’s also where Brett Favre’s ostensible boss, Viking Head Coach Brad Childress, made the pilgrimage to kowtow to His Heinous.

Apparently, Favres’s not sure he’s going to play this season.  Childress went to convince him that it is in the interest of all of humanity for Favre to do so.

Gee, I’ve not seen this one played out before.  (That’s sarcasm right there.)

With his latest posturing, Favre officially surpasses Roger Clemens on the list of all time ditherers.

The only good news for Favre:  He still trails Hamlet by a substantial margin.  Of course, Hamlet was only debating whether to knock off his stepfather, not whether to play another season for the Vikes.

In other developments:  The Bills are rid of Terrell Owens.  The bad news is that the Bengals picked him up.

Just what Cincinnati needed. That team has been so dysfunctional for so long, they make the Oakland Raiders seem Swiss, by comparison.

Asking T.O. to join the Bengals is not dissimilar to asking Rosie O’Donnell to guard your ice cream cake.  Or asking Lindsay Lohan to take your new car out for a night on the town.  Or asking Franz Kafka (remember him?) to read  bedtime stories to your kids.

So, folks, that’s the state of the NFL union as we head into summer training.

I’ve only shared with you a few of these lowlights.

There are plenty of others.  Taken en toto, I have but one reaction:

Thank goodness for high school football.

*****

Liberty High School lost a super fan with the passing of Zim Jackson.

Zim loved Minutemen games.  Even in his later years, he could be seen at Liberty hoops games, nibbling on a hot dog.

A noted artist, Zim did the caricature of former Liberty baseball coach Jim Cutler that hangs prominently at the Liberty baseball field.

Good travels to you, friend.

*****

Jeff Forest, similarly, took a shot to the chops with the passing of Jerry Rice, father of JF’s head football coach, Don.

Mr. Rice was a mainstay of JF football, always there to greet the lads at the end of a game, win or lose.

I’d often see him hanging out near the fieldhouse end zone, pulling for his Cavs.

Our condolences to the Rice family.