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Sports commentary: Bad boys

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A trio of miscreants provided this week's show

By Mike Forster

  It's not too difficult to find jocks behaving badly.

Forthwith, I'll highlight a few prime examples while, hopefully, providing a different spin to them.

Exhibit One is Bobby Petrino, who was recently relieved of his duties as head coach of the Arkansas football Razorbacks.

Seems Coach Petrino was discovered in an unsavory romantic liaison, which brought great discredit to the University of Arkansas.

The 50-year-old coach could have learned a thing from France.  You see, the French have a rule of thumb when it comes to romance:  Take a man's age, divide it in half and add seven.  His partner's age should be less than that number.  So, Petrino should have divided 50 by 2, while adding 7.  The math shows he should not have been messing around with anyone younger than 32.  Alas, his consort was a 25-year-old lass.

Second, he could have learned from the English.  They are loathe to have their romances publicized, going to great lengths to guard their privacy.

Petrino found his relationship the subject of much public discourse after he and his lady friend were involved in a high-visibility motorcycle accident.

Third, he could have learned from Germany, for our Teutonic friends are rigid in not mixing work with pleasure.

Petrino apparently used significant influence to get his lady friend a position in the Arkansas athletic department.  Specifically, Petrino put her on the football staff, pushing her ahead of over 150 other applicants.  Hence, the two could be in close proximity to one another, especially during the work day.  In the end, that unethical hiring is what lost him his multi-million dollar-paying job.

Finally, Petrino disregarded that good old American rule of thumb:  You don't take on a girlfriend when you have a wife and four kids at home.

There's another rule of thumb that might play into this drama, though it's too early to tell:  Never take a mistress when you've got a wife at home who is willing to take you all the way to the cleaners.

Exhibit 2 is one Tiger Woods.

Apparently, his temper tantrums on the golf course are turning many away from this once-charming golfer.

Woods has taken to throwing clubs and cursing his errant shots.  Apparently, he feels that the "Happy Gilmore" approach to golf might work for him.

Now, I'm not a big fan of this sport, but I do respect anyone who can drive that little ball wherever he (or she) wishes.  Moreover, I have a strong respect for a sport that does its utmost to convey a sense of chivalry and decorum.

With seemingly everything else in our culture being coarsened, fans of the game are right to turn their backs on Woods's rude and inappropriate behavior.

Woods needs to wake up to the fact that the game made him what he is and, more importantly, is much bigger than he'll ever be.

Exhibit 3 is Ozzie Guillen.  The Miami Marlins manager learned (hopefully) a couple of strong lessons over the past weeks.

During a magazine interview, Guillen remarked on his strong respect for long-time Cuban despot Fidel Castro.

First off, why a baseball manager is sharing his thoughts on world politics is beyond me.  What's next, a discourse from Detroit Tigers' skipper Jim Leyland on Keynesian economic policy?

Second, does Guillen not understand where his team plays?  Miami has a huge population of folks that were displaced from Cuba.

These people (or their parents or grandparents) were chased out of Cuba by none other than Fidel Castro.

Guillen's ill-advised words would be similar to Atlanta Braves manager Fredi Gonzalez expressing his admiration of William Tecumseh Sherman.  For those of you who aren't Civil War buffs, Sherman was the Union general who turned Atlanta into his personal ashtray.

With Miami's large Jewish population, the folks down that way are probably waiting with bated breath for Guillen to weigh in with his opinions on Hamas and Hezbollah.

Advice to Ozzie:  Focus your oddball thoughts on what takes place between the base paths.

Better yet, focus on knocking off the Phillies off this year.  I hear they're Fidel Castro's favorite team.