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Say goodbye to your Gatorade.
Vanquish your Vault.
Pass on the Powerade.
Listen up, athletes of the world, there’s a new sports drink ready to rejuvenate you.
Actually, it’s not new at all. In fact, it’s one of civilization’s oldest beverages.
That’s right. Beer is being positioned as the latest drink of the sporting crowd.
Sure, it’s always been the beverage of choice of certain sporting crowds: the billiards set and the bowlers, for instance.
Now, it is being set up as the drink of choice for those who participate in sports where sweat is actually produced: cross country skiers, runners, soccer players.
This development is the brain child of a brewer called Erdinger.
I quaffed many Erdingers when I was stationed in Germany, with the Army. I recall that it was a delicious brew.
I do not recall partaking in an Erdinger, however, after morning physical training (PT) or immediately following a vigorous game of racquetball.
Yet, the marketing gurus are touting the restorative powers of the beverage.
By the way, Erdinger is pushing its non-alcoholic brand in this ploy.
But, really. Who wants to drink non-alcoholic beer when you can have the real McCoy?
What’s next? Perhaps my friends at Philip Morris can start touting the benefits of Marlboros as a restorative elixir for those who find themselves short of breath, the result of a difficult run.
Maybe Captain Morgan can portray his rum as the perfect tonic; one that can help cool you down after a hard afternoon on the courts.
How about Big Macs as a way to quickly build a body back up after hearty athletic endeavors?
There may be something to this.
I recall, once again, my Army days.
I remember one particular PT test. It was held on some treeless stretch under a scorching sun, with humidity around 80%.
Now, a PT test (back then) consisted of doing a minimum of 40 pushups and 40 situps, then running two miles in less than 16 minutes.
Of course, you wanted to score as high as possible. So, I wound up doing something like 50 pushups and 60 situps. Then running two miles in about 13 minutes.
I vividly recall afterwards stumbling into my first sergeant’s office where a couple of the platoon sergeants sat, drenched in sweat.
They were guzzling hot and acrid black coffee while taking deep drags on Marlboro Lights.
I guess they found those things to be “restorative.”
I’m pretty sure, knowing these guys, that if they were given the opportunity to rejuvenate after a PT test with some good German beer, they’d have gladly traded in their coffee for an Erdinger.
So, if it’s good enough for the U.S. Army, why wouldn’t it be good enough for the world of sports?
And, for those of you who might be wondering: No, I couldn’t come close to doing 60 situps, 50 pushups and running a 13-minute two miles anymore.
Those days are long behind me.
Now, could I still down an Erdinger like I could in the old days?
That’s a challenge I’m willing to face, all in the interest of science and research.